


the torture of pretense

by fukurouji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, KageHina - Freeform, Kinda Slow Build, Kissing, M/M, Volleyball Dorks in Love, bc we need more jelly kags, he's still a ball of sunshine though, hinata is a dense ball of sunshine or so he pretends to be, kenma is somewhat the catalyst, oh and kageyama's mom is the typical mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 04:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5695489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fukurouji/pseuds/fukurouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama is in love with Hinata and everyone knows it except the redhead himself. Deciding it's not really that big of a deal and he's content with the way things are, Kageyama continues living and spending time with him just like usual; no cheesy thoughts, no stolen glances, and no unnecessary touches. He's already happy with the friendly relationship they have -</p><p>Until Hinata gets into a relationship.</p><p>  <b>OR Hinata and Kenma decide to date each other and Kags is a jealous emo dork. Nothing really serious, just gays in love.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	the torture of pretense

**Author's Note:**

> This is way longer than intended and I'm reaaally sorry. I just couldn't stop myself from writing and adding thoughts and uGH I seriously need to calm down and probably set a word limit to myself next time.
> 
> But yeah anyway! This is my first fic for the fandom so please be gentle.
> 
> Enjoy ~

**_"I'm happy for you."_ **

He heard it before he felt it;  
Door slamming open, loud footsteps rushing to somewhere near him, curtains angrily being opened, and a thick blanket harshly pulled off of him; that's when he felt familiar hands shaking him not too gently and the warm rays of the sun hitting his legs, the small exposed skin on his torso - his face - and then his eyes as he slowly opened them.  
He squinted at the figure in front of him.  
"Hey, mom," he greeted groggily, forcing a careless smile on his dry lips.  
The woman had one hand on her hips and the other one holding a spatula. In that moment, she looked like she was ready to hit the boy in front of her with the said object.  
"Don't 'hey' me, Tobio. You slept through your alarm again."  
He winced, already anticipating his mother's next words.  
"You're already late to school!" She exclaimed while pointing the spatula at his face.  
He felt a dull but painful throbbing at the side of his head before he could speak up; probably an effect of being woken up too suddenly. He recalled the happenings from the night before in a daze, inwardly cursing a particular redhead for keeping him up all night. His body really wasn't cut out for staying up until 4 in the goddamn morning, especially on a school night. The pain just got worse when he tried to soothe it with a light massage. He was fully awake now. He blinked a few times, then groaned when his eyes felt like they had been sprayed with acid.  
"I'm dying."  
His mother just raised her brows in a way that said _oh really?_ "No, you're not. Get up before I drag you from that bed myself."  
Kageyama removed his gaze away from the ceiling to steal a look at her just to regret it instantly. A knowing smile was now plastered on her face. "A friend of yours might be waiting for you already."  
He could almost _see_ the smile in her tone.  
"Don't make him upset, alright?" She called out playfully from behind her before disappearing on the hallway outside his room.  
_Why do parents always leave the door open after barging into their child's room?!_  
He groaned for the third time that day.  
***  
Hinata was clearly pissed. Kageyama just grunted and continued walking when he saw the scowl on the smaller boy's face once he arrived at their usual meeting place, which was just a five minute walk from the school.  
_Really, who would take that expression seriously when you're also blushing as crazy, you dumbass._  
As if reading his thoughts, the ginger fell in step beside the other boy and huffed an irritated sigh. "Listen to me, _turd._ I'm mad! Just because I still look cute scowling unlike you doesn't mean I don't wanna strangle you, Bakayama!"  
Kageyama fought the urge to pull at the ginger's hair til he went bald right then and there. "Oh, you're _mad_? Then whose fault was it that I stayed up late and slept through my alarm, stupid?"  
"You told me it was okay! It's not like I forced you to talk to me til four in the morning!" Hinata hissed.  
"You kind of did though!" The raven fired back. Before the redhead could argue more, he slammed a hand on his face to shut him up. He had to stifle a laugh when he saw the boy struggle.  
Oh, the perks of being stronger.  
Hinata was fuming when he finally removed his hand. "Anyway, don't make it look like I'm the only one at fault here, dumbass. I'm sorry for making you wait that long, okay? I'll just make it up to you during practice and toss to you a lot."  
An emotion flickered through Hinata's expression but it disappeared just as fast as it came. Though if anything else, the deal seemed to satisfy the shorter boy and so Kageyama was relieved when a comfortable silence just spread between them as they were greeted by the familiar sight of Karasuno High.  
***  
The day rolled around like any other. Soon enough, Kageyama was once again welcomed by the sound of balls hitting hands and the ground, and his teammates yelling words of encouragement to each other.  
"Let's take a break!" He heard Daichi call out after Yamaguchi hit the last ball.  
Unconsciously, Kageyama's eyes traveled to where his spiker was. He hadn't seen the idiot all day. They didn't even eat lunch together. That was a first. For some reason, an unpleasant feeling settled on his chest from the thought of that, but he quickly pushed it away as he half-jogged towards the ginger who was wiping the sweat off his forehead with a towel with one hand, and tapping away on his phone with his other. The said boy didn't notice Kageyama come towards him so he nearly dropped his phone when he heard him scoff just beside his hear. He turned his phone away quickly.  
The taller boy raised his thin brows in confusion. "Kenma? You still keeping in touch with that guy?"  
"Uh, yeah," Hinata answered shyly, a forced laugh coming from his mouth.  
His phone beeped again and Kageyama watched as his best friend turned away to look at the screen while grinning stupidly. If the raven looked closely, he'd notice the blush on Hinata's little cheeks that he so desperately tried to hide.  
Kageyama felt his world crash down for a moment before he scowled.  
_H-he can't be crushing on that pudding head, can he? I'm closer to Hinata than him. There's no w--_  
A mocking laughter behind him shook him out of his panic. It took every ounce of his willpower not to punch that smirk right off of his blonde teammate's face. Kageyama's scowl deepened and he clenched his fists. Thinking this was a sign for him to continue, Tsukishima took a step closer to him and told him in a voice only he could hear, but with an intensity that matched what Kageyama was feeling;  
"I'm sorry for your lost. It seems like your queen has found his _real_ king."  
_Okay, that's it, I'm gonna--_  
"Kageyama," a gentle but warning hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could hit the bastard, who was now walking away with a smug look on his face. He saw Daichi approaching him.  
Kageyama, on the other hand, was pissed.  
Sugawara's hand was still on his shoulder when he faced him. "Don't let him get to you," was all the vice captain said before finally letting go of him with a gentle smile.  
When he looked around him, he noticed almost all of them were giving him worried and sympathetic glances. Even his second year senpais seemed unusually less enthusiastic today. His confusion just worsened when he realized he'd been receiving the same look since earlier during their morning practice. Why he hadn't noticed it before was beyond his understanding. Before he could analyze the situation further, their captain signalled for the end of break and so they returned to training mode like usual.  
The sun was already long gone when afterschool practice was done. Polite goodbyes and short talks were exchanged before the team soon dispersed into groups and left for the day.  
A cold breeze swept through Kageyama's face as he dug his hands deeper into his jacket. He and Hinata always walked home together. But today, Kageyama felt extremely uneasy.  
"Hey, Kageyama," Hinata muttered beside him. He heard a rock skid to the side as the shorter boy lazily kicked it.  
"Hm?"  
There was a pause, the redhead gulping and looking down at his feet. "I think you deserve to know."  
"Know what?" Kageyama couldn't help the suspicion and hurt in his tone.  
"I'm now dating Kenma."  
It was barely above a whisper, but the taller boy heard it loud and clear.  
"Since when?"  
"Last night, before I called you. I finally said yes."  
Cold, he felt cold. That was all he could think of as he let the silence after those words stretch on. He tried to wrap his head around the idea; Hinata dating Nekoma's setter; Hinata holding hands with him; Hinata flushing pink under Kenma's gaze; Hinata giggling in that adorable way of his before kissing him; Hinata being wrapped around another boy's arms; _the boy he loved_ loving and being loved so deeply by someone who wasn't him - a single tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek without his permission. He wiped it away hastily, thanking the dark for obscuring his face into view. He wanted to get away in that moment. He wanted to run ahead before Hinata so he could just finally get home, throw himself onto his still unmade bed and cry in peace. He knew it was so unlike him - the great unbreakable Tobio Kageyama crying over something that wasn't volleyball? Unbelievable. But then again he had already long accepted the fact and even gave himself a hard time for it that the old him was long gone and replaced by this softer but stronger person. He was still him, but slowly, he was aware the walls he had built around himself for years were now slowly falling down and all he could really do was stare, wait, and better himself. He had learned to trust, consider others, and see through his one track goal, and all he had was the loud and annoying middle blocker to thank all those for. Unaware of it, he also found himself falling in love with him in the process. He thought it was the universe just playing tricks on him. So he decided to act like he wasn't falling deeper for his used to be rival each day, but pretense came with torture. This wasn't a shoujo manga after all. Love wasn't something he'd just receive instantly after proclaiming one. He knew that. And so he was willing to wait for Hinata's feelings for him to develop. He was probably too much of an idiot at the moment to know about that kind of stuff. Or so he thought. Now, what?  
His internal monologue was interrupted when the boy waved his hand in front of his face.  
"Kageyama?"  
"I-I'm happy for you," never had a lie tasted so bitter in his tongue. He managed to force a smile on his face despite the emptiness he felt inside.  
The ginger's eyes widened for a second before he stuck his tongue out at him and laughed. "Don't overdo it, Kageyama-kun. Your smiles are too rare for them to look like the Devil smiling down on me." He winked. That earned him a punch on the shoulder.  
When they finally reached the road where their paths diverged, they waved their hands goodbye to each other, one boy flashing a smile, and the other forcing one.  
Upon arriving home, all he heard was his mom saying "Again?!" incredulously when he said "I'm dying," before he slammed his door shut and flopped himself on his bed facefirst.  
Tonight he'd grieve. Tomorrow, he'd forget.  
_Because that's what the rejected side character always does, right?_

 

**_"I never ever want you to wear that expression again."_ **

"We have good news for you, guys. We're going to have another practice match with Nekoma this week." Takeda-sensei announced during their morning practice the next day, which was followed by a series of cheers and eager nods from the team. Hinata's "yosha!" was the loudest. Kageyama felt like puking.  
"However this time, they're the ones who are visiting us here in Miyagi. So we expect proper behaviour from you people." Coach Ukai specifically gave Tanaka a pointed look, "I don't want to hear terms like _city boy_ being thrown around once they're here." Tanaka smirked.  
Upon entering the clubroom after being dismissed, excited chatters about the upcoming match instantly ensued, boys having to calm their nerves from excitement from time to time to properly get changed from their sweaty shirts and prepare themselves for their next classes. Basically everyone was pumped to battle their rival once again.  
"Shouyou, you're blushing!" Noya teased his kouhai who was now red-faced all over.  
All attention are now on Hinata, the said boy slumping and covering his face with his hands.  
"W-what?! Am not!"  
Tanaka made sure to do his failed impression of a lovesick girl by fluttering his eyelids dramatically and placing his heart-shaped hands onto his chest. "Oh Kenma, you hit me right in my _kokoro_. You make it _doki doki_."  
The two second years guffawed, finding that funny. The others were just smiling to themselves, except for Kageyama, that is.  
Suddenly, the laughter instantly died down and an awkward silence stretched on among them, everyone seeming to have caught on to something about a particular setter. They were aware Kageyama was grieving, but here they were, laughing and teasing the boy he was in love with about his boyfriend. Everyone's faces scrunched up in shame. Even Tsukishima who was usually indifferent looked down at his feet and pursed his lips. Feeling embarrassed about his teammates' reaction, Kageyama clenched his fists so hard, ignoring the scrape of his fingernails on his palms. He mentally cursed himself. He shouldn't feel bitter now. After all, he promised to leave all his feelings for the idiot behind after crying his eyes out in bed the previous night. Those were going to be his last tears for Hinata. He even changed his sheets to make a point.  
Kageyama left the club room without a word.

***

Since Kageyama had walked out looking extremely upset after practice, Hinata couldn't help but feel guilty. He felt like it was his fault. But _why_ , he kept asking himself. He had zoned out during three classes so far now, thoughts still lingering on his setter.  
_Could it be because of Kenma? Was he jealous? But he told me he was happy, right? There's no way he'd lie straight to my face. We had an agreement to never lie to each other. And I trust him._  
Unable to puzzle the pieces together, he decided to confront him during lunch.  
Hinata found him eating alone and sitting on the cool grass at their usual spot under the shade of a tree just outside the school building. Perking up at the sight of his best friend, he walked towards him with a slight skip to his steps, bento in hand. Not once did the raven glance his way, not even when the shorter boy had purposely sat closer to his left. Hinata swallowed away whatever squirmy feeling he felt when their thighs and shoulders touched. He reminded himself that whatever he felt for his setter wouldn't be reciprocated and the thought of course hurt him, but that didn't matter now because he had long accepted it.  
They ate in silence for a while, the ginger getting more and more agitated as each second passed. When he couldn't help it any longer, he started;  
_"Stop ignoring me,"_ he said it with the intention of sounding harsh, but it came out desperate, almost like a broken plea.  
Minutes passed by and the other boy still did not say anything. When he finally thought the setter really wouldn't talk to him, he heard him sigh in defeat and the redhead _swore_ his heart stopped when he felt the other lean his head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a moment, neither saying anything.  
Hinata's voice finally came. "Oi, Bakayama, what was up with you during practice earlier?"  
"Nothing," the other boy replied with nonchalance almost inmediately.  
A look of annoyance and disbelief painted the ginger's face. "What do you mean, _nothing_?! Tell me, are you actually jealous that I have a boyfriend? Shocked to know that I got one first before you?"  
There was a sharp intake of breath beside him before he felt the raven remove his head from his shoulder and the ginger watched him as he stood up stiffly, bento in hand.  
"I can't deal with this right now. See you at practice, dumbass," the taller teen muttered, already walking away.  
A pained voice behind him made him stop in his tracks as much as he didn't want to. "I hate it when we don't get along,"  
"You already said that before."  
"Yeah, I remember." Hinata laughed dryly.  
He could handle grumpy Kageyama. But _this_ , upset and difficult to understand, he didn't know what to do. He felt completely useless and he hated it. He wished they had the same chemistry outside the court as they were inside. These days they seem to only connect when they were playing. The thought made him clench his fists. He wanted more; he craved for a deeper connection with his setter; and although he was aware of what he was clearly asking of him, he realized he didn't care. It was confusing Hinata, but he knew one thing for sure; he didn't like the barrier between them now. He wanted to break it down, to reach out, and so he did.  
Kageyama's back was still turned to him but he paid it no mind. He closed the distance between them in silence, only the crunching of twigs and the grass beneath his shoes could be heard. Carefully, ever so gently, he sought Kageyama's left hand with his own. Before Hinata could make himself feel embarrassed for how bold he was being and pull away, he felt the other boy grip his hand tightly and squeeze it. It was all it took for Hinata to lean his forehead against the taller boy's turned back.  
And there it was; at first it was just a flickering thought; a senseless notion deep inside that must've been brought by his overwhelmed state at his current situation; but it was there - like a lamp that was finally turned on and it was too bright and Hinata's heart swelled and it hurt, hurt, _hurt_ because why had he realized it just now?  
"H-hinata, do you really... l-love Kenma?" The raven asked, voice low and a bit raspy. There was hesitance in his tone.  
When there was no answer, the said boy finally turned to face his partner, only to be met with something warm and wet soak through his white uniform and he realized the ginger was crying, face buried on his chest and hands tightly fisted at the soft material of his polo. Kageyama was confused at first, and shocked - but whatever question and protest he was about to say died on his throat the moment Hinata spilled his guts out in between chokeful of sobs;  
"Love, Kageyama?! Of course I love him, asshole! B-but it's different, you know!" He looked up at Kageyama, all tears and snot and he wasn't even bothered to wipe them away. "He doesn't do _this_ to me. He doesn't make me this flustered and confused and aching for more. I never wanted to know him like I wanted to know you, Kageyama! With you, everything's just so, so much _more_! And it's confusing and annoying me because I know I should be hating you but I don't because sometimes I notice these little things about you that both shock me and make my chest do this thing and I wish I hadn't been so stupid. I wish I hadn't ignored it. And it's not just on court. You make my heart g-go, go, _gwaaah_ ," one corner of his mouth turned up, shy and awkward but it took everything in Kageyama not to sweep this boy off of his feet and kiss him then and there, opting to let him continue instead, noting the sudden decrease in volume of the redhead's voice, "I-I realized, I never wanted to hold his hand so much my hands twitch at my sides. I never wanted to spend so much time with him as much as I did with you. He's not the first person I go to when I'm excited or sad about something. It's you, Kageyama. It's _you_. Even if you're mean and annoying and your face looks like it's constipated sometimes, I know I can tolerate you because you're Kageyama and I think I can understand you a bit better now. A-and now you're hurting me. Because even if you don't understand what I'm feeling, that's okay with me. But this - this sudden wall between us, I hate it. You're more than just a friend to me, Kageyama. And I hate myself for realizing it just now."  
By this time, the shorter teen was no longer crying, only hiccuping and devoid from his senses because he finally said it. He finally said the things he never thought he'd speak out loud.  
Before he could give himself time to doubt himself and feel embarrassed, he felt something soft and warm on his lips and he realized it was the raven's, pressing against his own. It took Hinata a very brief moment to process what was happening before he reacted, kissing back with the same ferocity and eagerness, tangling his hands at the taller male's hair to pull him closer as he felt arms snaking around his waist to do the same. Both boys poured every emotion, every desire, every suppressed thought and everything into this one kiss. Neither knew what he was doing and the kiss was far from perfect, but it left them breathless and flushed and with their hearts racing nevertheless.  
After maybe a minute they pulled away, foreheads resting together and eyes closed, only feeling each other's warm breath and close proximity. It was Kageyama who broke the silence first.  
"I've wanted to do that for so long."  
Hinata giggled and Kageyama's chest constricted once again as he felt the ginger's breath feather across his face. What he was feeling now could even be better than what he felt after winning a volleyball match.  
"Does that mean you also love me, Kageyama-kuuun?" He asked teasingly.  
The raven pulled away with an embarrassing huff and pulled the back of his hand to his face to cover the obvious red flush on his cheeks, "D-dumbass,"  
Hinata just giggled harder before wrapping his small but toned arms around Kageyama and resting his head against his chest. He looked up at the taller teen through his thick lashes;  
"I love Kenma, Bakayama. But it's you who I'm in love with. I only want to do these things with you. Only you."  
The raven blushed deeper with that so he buried his face in his orange mop to cover his embarrassment. "I'm in love with you too, Hinata. And I'm sorry for pushing you away. I feel the same. All this time. I thought it was hopeless so I just kept it in, but it was so hard. But now that you've said it, I'm so happy. You're simple-minded and obnoxious and annoying but," he continued, ignoring the little pinch he received from the bubbly boy under his head, "you make my heart go _gwaah_ too. And you're mine." Then Kageyama cupped his hands on the other boy's face and wiped away the last remaining tear streaks on either cheeks, blue eyes staring at Hinata with such intensity as he whispered, "I never ever want you to wear that expression again."  
It was the spiker's turn to blush.  
Kageyama pulled away for a second. "But why did you say yes to Nekoma's setter when he asked you out?"  
"I know it was a dick move, but I thought it'd make these feelings for you go away and Kenma wasn't half bad," he shrugged.  
Unable to word out how stupid the raven thought that was, he shot his hand out and pulled at the amber-eyed boy's hair. Just like that, the mood between the two dorks went back to normal except - they kissed once more and more, until the bell signalling for the end of lunch break rang.  
This day just went on a completely different and unexpected turn and Kageyama couldn't be any happier.  
_Mom, I no longer feel like I'm dying. Please be proud._

**Author's Note:**

> Ok yes, Kenma knew what he was doing when he asked Hinata out. It was like a mutual agreement/understanding between them that they only gave "dating" a shot for the sake of Hinata's love life because well, Kenma was already in love with Kuroo so don't worry, it wasn't a serious relationship, told you. Kenma was basically just some kind of factor or catalyst or whatever for Kageyama to finally grow a pair and confess but yeah Hinata still ended up confessing first bc Kageyama was such a tsundere and an emo dork. Also, I wanna apologize for that long and dramatic af confession. I got carried away (//▽//) lol anyway, thanks for reading!! You can leave a comment if you liked this or if you want to share something so I can improve my writing. Feel free to leave kudos as well! (ノ*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)
> 
> \- Portia


End file.
